by John R Stowe
280 pages paperback
Gay and Bisexual men embody tremendous passion, vitality, healing, and creativity-qualities that have the potential to make life incredibly rich and meaningful. Unfortunately, most men-loving men learn very early to distrust their greatest gifts and to hide or deny their deepest dreams and desires. The wounding goes deep - even men who are positive and open about their sexuality can still find themselves troubled by nagging doubts that keep them from reaching their full potential.
Gay Spirit Warrior invites you on a unique, personalized journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Whether you're just coming out or have been out for years, it will give you tools to reclaim the wisdom, strength, and vision at your core. An easy blend of stories, discussion, and practical exercises guides you to find your own answers about what it means to live and love fully, create satisfying relationships, and celebrate your whole being. In the end, no area of your life will be the same.
Gay Spirit Warrior is spirituality at its most practical-a radical, invigorating adventure in self-transformation. It answers a growing call among individuals and groups for a sensible, practical guide to healthy, empowered living.
Reviews and endorsements
"... a workbook for the new millennium ..."
Mark Thompson, author of Gay Spirit, Gay Soul, and Gay Body
"... miso soup for the gay soul-essential reading for any man who has ever loved another man. John's book is the bridge between queer politics and gay soul."
Andrew Ramer, author of Two Flutes Playing, Ask Your Angels, and Revelations for a New Millennium
"John Stowe knows gay spirit from the inside out. This book is a valuable resource for any gay man interested in spirituality and self discovery."
Franklin Abbott, author of Boyhood: Growing Up Male and Mortal Love
Table of Contents
Preface by Mark Thompson
Introduction by Andrew Ramer
Part 1 FOUNDATION
Chapter 1 Introductions
An invitation
Gay Spirit Visions
Gay Spirit Warriors
The journey of healing
Define yourself in your own terms
The journey toward wholeness
Chapter 2 Beginnings
Let's get started
Map the territory with your journal
Exercise: Your journal
Set your course
Exercise: Goals
Support yourself along the way
Exercise: Support yourself
Your support network
Exercise: Your support network
Commit to the path
Exercise: Set forth
Chapter 3 Early Beliefs
Pull your own strings
Exercise: Unconscious negatives
Role models
Exercise: Role models
The Inner Critic
Exercise: Meet the Critic
Make the Critic Your Ally
Exercise: Critic's Corner
Write Your Own Script
Exercise: Affirmations
Release the negatives
Exercise: Ritual release
Exercise: Clean out
Chapter 4 The Body Connection
Body knowing
Exercise: Tune in
Beliefs
Exercise: Meet your body
Exercise: Hidden beliefs
Support your body and it supports you
Exercise
Rest
Diet
Exercise: Give your body what it needs
Exercise: Self-touch
Dialog with your body through movement
Music
Exercise: Movement meditations
Movement is life!
Chapter 5 Initiation
Coming out ... the Hero's Journey
Exercise: How far out have you come?
Coming in ... family of choice and Tribe
Exercise: Connections
Coming out is a way of life
Exercise: Living out
Congratulations
Part 2 ARCHETYPES AND GAY MEN
Chapter 6 The Journey Within
The realm of archetype
Archetype Exercise: Cultural heroes
Shadow
Turn within
Exercise: Meet your Inner Council
Your Gay Spirit altar
Exercise: Create your Gay Spirit Altar
The Tribe of Men who Love Men
Exercise: Meet the Tribe
Chapter 7 The Magic Boy
He's in there!
Exercise: Get to know the boy within
Into the Shadow: The Inner Brat
Exercise: Coping strategies
Heal the wounds
Exercise: Reclaim the wounds
Exercise: Venting and forgiveness
Exercise: Return to support your boy
Change the filters
Exercise: Games
Magic Boy every day
Exercise: Commitment
Chapter 8 The Sacred Androgyne
The nature of gender
Exercise: Gender map
Explore the polarities
Exercise: The Inner Male
Exercise: The Inner Female
Gender Shadow
Exercise: Shadow
The Sacred Androgyne
Exercise: Living androgyny
Chapter 9 The Lover
Loving other men
Exercise: Beliefs
Mr. Right
Exercise: Design a lover
Get what you want
Exercise: Get clear
Honor your relationships
Exercise: Honor your relationships
Your sacred companion
Exercise: The Lover
Chapter 10 The Elder
Beauty and the Trolls
Exercise: The Troll and the Sage
Reconnect with your Elder
Exercise: Meet the Elder
Exercise: Reclaim your Self
Tribal continuity
Exercise: Honor the ancestors
Exercise: Honor those to come
Elders in training
Exercise: Embrace the Elder
Chapter 11 The Shaman/Healer
The power of intuition
Exercise: Tune in
Permeable boundaries
Exercise: Feel energy
Exercise: Connections
Conscious dreaming
Exercise: Conscious dreaming
Ask the right questions
Exercise: Questions
Put it all together
Exercise: Embody the Shaman/Healer
Chapter 12 The Warrior
Create your own life
Exercise: Changes
Exercise: Refine your goal
Shadow: The blocked Warrior
Exercise: Deal with fear
Negative personas
Payoffs
Exercise: Unblock the Warrior
Claim the Warrior
Exercise: Warrior
Effective action
Exercise: Action
Chapter 13 The Explorer
Passion = Life
Recover the excitement
Exercise: Magic Boy
Exercise: Break the chains
Tell your stories
Exercise: Stories
Look in the mirror
Exercise: Mirrors
Follow your bliss
Exercise: The Explorer
Live the Explorer
Exercise: Exploration as a way of life
The Explorer as consciousness scout
Part 3 TAKE YOUR PLACE
Chapter 14 Sustain Yourself in the World
Reclaim your spirituality
Your relation with Spirit
Exercise: Spiritual evolution
Spirituality and religion
Exercise: Claim your own spirituality
Spirit lives within you
Exercise: The Self Who Knows
Spiritual practice
Exercise: Come into the moment
How to choose a spiritual practice
Body centered practice
Creativity as practice
Create your own rituals
Exercise: Try it!
Chapter 15 Live in the World
Return home
Affiliations
Exercise: Your connection network
Beyond the ghetto: safe space vs. isolation
Exercise: Gay and beyond
Share your gifts
Exercise: Honor your gifts
The call of the world
Exercise: The call of the world
Action
Exercise: Move into action
Turn intention into action
Exercise: Action plan
Chapter 16 The Journey Continues
Look how far you've come
Exercise: Recapitulation
Create ongoing support
Exercise: Ongoing support
Reaffirm your commitments
Exercise: Set your course
Spread your wings
Appendix: Bibliography and further reading
Excerpt
Define yourself in your own terms
We've come a long way since the dark days Harry Hay told us about, days in which Congressional witch-hunts and McCarthy-era persecution made it dangerous for homosexual men and women even to gather, much less discuss things like "Gay identity" or changing the status quo. In the intervening half-century, we've made strides socially and politically that would have seemed mind-boggling to people living then. Who'd have dared predict that we'd be able to live so openly, that issues like Gay marriage or serving in the military would be front page news? There's more to do, of course, but we've come far and fast. Still, despite our success at claiming civil rights, making ourselves a place to live more openly, and surviving a plague in the process, I wonder if we're any closer to answering the most fundamental question - "Who are we?"
Growing up, coming out, living in the world, we've all had to deal with the voices of negativity. In learning to speak about who we are, we've always needed to respond to critics before anything else. The voices of homophobia - both the strident ones in society and the more subtle ones in our own heads - have largely dictated the course of our discussions. As a result, our definition of self is only beginning to emerge from the shadow of what we're not. "We are not sick, not evil, not sinful, not perverted, not child molesters, not anti-family, and in terms of basic humanity, not all that much different from anyone else." Saying "NO!" to homophobia is one the healthiest steps any one of us can take, yet when our whole self-definition is based on negation, we miss something vital. We know what we're not, but we still don't have answers to the same basic questions, "Who are we?" "What does it mean to love as we do?"
Why is self-definition so important? Because beliefs are creative. What you believe about yourself colors every aspect of your life. It forms the structure by which you order events and interpret experiences. Beliefs tend to be self-fulfilling. As long as you're driven - consciously or not - by negative images of Gays that come from outside yourself, you are living by someone else's script. Whether you believe the lies or rebel against them, you still don't call your own shots. Only by searching deeply, cutting through the layers of "otherness" to meet yourself at your core, can you make your life truly satisfying and fulfilling.
So how would you respond if someone asked what it means to be a man-loving man? Would you focus on the physical, as in "free to have sex with whomever I want?" Would you focus somewhere else, as in "sensitive, artistic, colorful?" Would you say we're "just like everyone else except for what we do in bed?" Do you still have doubts about whether we're "sinful," or "sick," or "perverted?" I wonder how far down the list you'd go before words like "spiritual," "powerful," or "self-actualized" came up - or how long it would be before you thought of someone who's an exception to any category you could dream up. We all know that being Gay or Bi means loving other men. Yet, beyond that very general definition, it's virtually impossible to come up with a set of characteristics or values that applies to all of us. In fact, we're an extremely diverse group. We represent the entire range of cultural and ethnic backgrounds. And so the answer to our question, "Who are we?" is not one answer but many. And the only valid way to find out is for each man to answer first, "Who am I?" and "What does loving other men mean in my life?" To find your own answers, you'll have to turn within and seek the truth of your own experience. This book is intended as a map to help you navigate the deep territory of your own self. The exercises you'll explore are general enough to allow you to find your own answers. At the same time, they'll help you integrate your discoveries into a healthy, empowering understanding of yourself as a man who loves men.
The journey toward wholeness
You're on this journey already. In fact, you've been on it all your life. The goal of Gay Spirit Warrior is to help you make the journey with greater ease and awareness. I invite you to use it as a shamanic quest to the very core of your being. Because you set your pace and determine your goals, you can adapt the process to meet your own needs. Your experiences on this path will be unique and personal. The insights and healing you find there will serve you in every part of your life.
In Part One, you'll embark on your journey - buying a journal, setting goals, learning to support yourself for the duration of the trip. You'll examine the sources, content, and consequences of negative beliefs - even if they're totally subconscious - and learn how to change them for the better. You'll make your body your ally so that you can support it - and it you - all the time. In Part Two, you'll travel through the realm of your own inner being. This is where you'll meet the greatest challenges - and also reap the greatest rewards. One step at a time, you'll face and conquer old fears, uncover and heal old wounds, and reclaim the parts of yourself you learned to deny. There will be work involved, some of it hard, but you won't have to do it alone. You'll have the help of seven allies, from Magic Boy to Lover to Explorer, parts of yourself who will guide and strengthen you on your path. As you work with each one, you'll learn to call on all the insight, wisdom, power, and humor that live within you to create new, effective solutions to the challenges in your everyday life. This may not be entirely new territory. Perhaps you've already explored some of the same issues in therapy, have read about archetypes, or learned by experience how to think positively. This is good. Gay Spirit Warrior is intended to help men at every level of self-awareness. For some, the material will be entirely new. For others, it will be a chance to explore yourself more deeply as you fine-tune and put into practice what you already know. The exercises are designed to help you tap the wisdom of your own body and then integrate it with mind, feelings, and spiritual awareness. In the process, you'll shift where you come from energetically to a place where you actually live what you believe. You'll be surprised at how effective this process will be.
In Part Three, you'll return from your journey with a new understanding of yourself. You'll focus on ways to be self-directed as you chart a course through life that is enjoyable and meaningful. You'll reclaim your spirituality and the ability to support yourself. You'll learn to share the gifts you were born with in ways that enrich your life as they benefit others. You'll learn to live in the world with self-affirmation and power.
The benefits of empowerment are practical and concrete. Living with power means claiming your right to love other men, still a radical concept in our present society. It means to love and support yourself just as you are, to acknowledge your right to fulfill your deepest dreams and desires. It means living with strength every day, going for the job you want, daring to stand up to anyone who would condemn you. It means claiming your right to be intimate, to love, and to express yourself honestly. It means knowing that you are worthy and that your relationships can be validating and healthy. It means freeing yourself of long-standing doubts and opening to fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy. It means creating your life as you would have it.
I invite you on this journey because I believe you deserve the kind of life you want. I have to confess, though, to another broader motive. I want you to share who you are with the world. Your courage to live with integrity will make it easier for others to do the same. The satisfaction you feel in expressing your gifts will touch others. You'll find, ultimately, that whatever gives you the greatest fulfillment will also make the greatest contribution for change and healing in the rest of the world.
The world needs that healing quite desperately right now. Globally, we face a state of crisis/opportunity that might well determine our future on the planet. Ecologically, culturally, and in terms of values, old structures are breaking down and very little has appeared to replace them. Every person on the planet is being called on to reach deep inside and to contribute whatever he or she can toward healing the problems that affect us all.
Men who love men have an important role to play. Already, many of us are on the forefront of social change. Having been forced to deal with a myriad of challenges - from isolation and rejection, to homophobia, to the difficulties of the AIDS crisis - we're learning new ways of supporting ourselves. Experimenting with non-traditional families and relationships, exploring the nuances of our own sexual expression, we set examples that often filter into more mainstream awareness. Working more openly than ever before in the realms of politics, organized religion, entertainment, and social services, we are making important contributions directly and visibly.
Having sat at the mountain and spoken with men-loving men in many places, I believe that claiming our uniqueness and the power of our truths is not only possible, but vital. At this point, we can ill afford to lose even the smallest gift that might help the world to shift. To the degree that wounding or homophobia keeps you from sharing, the world is weaker. The urge that you feel to make your life as healthy and satisfying as you can is the same urge that encourages us collectively to step beyond limitation into power - now, before it is too late. No one of us takes this journey alone. You are surrounded by a hundred thousand brothers, members of this Tribe of Men-loving Men. I'm writing because I want companions on the path, an army of lovers around me, an army of beautiful, strong men proud to love men. Are we ready to be empowered, satisfied, healthy, and fabulous? Are you? I think so. In fact, I dare you!
