Resolving Relationship Challenges... a how-to guide

According to a survey carried out by the University of Edinburgh's Student Counselling Service relationship difficulties are the third most common reason for visiting a counsellor. Of the 849 students that visited the service, 15 per cent cited relationship issues as their primary problem, whilst only one per cent stated the cause was welfare or employment.

Talk to any Relate counsellor, divorce lawyer or Agony Aunt and they will tell you that more and more relationships are failing... that fewer and fewer couples are truly happy together and that there is a pretty good chance your relationship will not survive the test of time.

Each week in the Body & Soul section of the Times Suzi Godson advises men and women who, for whatever reason, are not happy with the sexual side of their relationship.

So is there a way to have a happy fulfilling relationship? In her book What Went Wrong With Mr. Right Gadd, a professional relationship counsellor in South Africa examines the interconnections between two individuals, with the understanding that if one person changes it must bring about change in the other. Creating the relationship you want then becomes an active principle you can use rather than passively sitting around hoping that your partner may change of their own volition, which is highly unlikely. In doing so, you move from being the victim in a relationship to empowering yourself to change the dynamics involved.

Gadd uses opposite pairs of Archetypes; for example, 'the Priest and the Prostitute’ or 'the Damsel in Distress and the Knight in a shining BMW' pairs are used to demonstrate why we are initially attracted to our opposite, which becomes a challenge over time once we move in together.

This new paradigm of seeing relationships as balance-seeking mechanisms - a see-saw scenario - allows the reader to realize that for the relationship to change, the power is within them (i.e. they do not have to sit back and hope that their partner will one day become who they would like him/her to be.) By shifting position on the seesaw, they can bring about the change they desire.

The numerous touches of humour combined with short chapters make What Went Wrong With Mr. Right enjoyable, with case studies and stories of real individuals helping the reader better understand their own relationship challenges.

Carol Shaw